Just a quick background, Anonymous and her husband were married before the medical journey began. The husband started the journey approximately 30 years ago with the beginning of the application process and the matriculation of med school approximately one year later.
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One day a gal who had taught at the school where I taught came back for a visit (her husband was in FP residency). I told her that my husband had been accepted into med school. Her reply was, "Medical school ought to be grounds for divorce." (an exact quotation.) We have made it 32.5 years tomorrow. I will not guarantee that we will make 33 years, even at this point.
My husband does regret his decision to become a doctor. I do not regret being married to him. I told him before we were married that I did not want to be a doctor's wife. He said he didn't want to be a doctor. He changed his tune 3 years later and told me that he had always wanted to but didn't think it was remotely possible because of his family's financial and educational status. I married the man, not the doctor. It is still difficult.
From my husband's perspective, most everything in the article is true.
- Loans, most of ours were forgiven for practicing 5+ years in a rural county. It was still a drain to pay the remaining thousands to the federal loan program. We were student and residency loan free by the time we left our home state. We have never had the kind of income that people think doctors have. Family practice is not lucrative. We are comfortable this month (year) for the first time. We have begun to travel and can buy most of the small things that we used to have to consider very carefully. We still have to think about how much a new roof and new windows for our aging house will cost, and how to pay for them. We bought a new riding lawn mower a couple of weeks ago. This was possible because John Deere offered 12 months interest free. We will be able to pay it off in that time span. We do not eat expensive foods, go to expensive restaurants, dress in high dollar duds, get new cars every year. My husband does have some expensive hobbies, but his boat was used, and he got it for basically the price of a new boat motor. He has had a lot of work to do to get it usable.
- From reading the article and comments, I think respect is one of the key reasons that there is so much dissatisfaction or the lack of respect.Yes, the comments about having to wait, the criticism of treatment, the arguments against paying, and the general attitude of many of the patients really make it hard to go on. Another problem for my husband are the patients who come back for chronic problems (depression, etc) and whine. He likes helping the patients who need the help and who he can help. It is depressing to treat people who will never get well. The best that the doctor can do is make them comfortable for their remaining years. Some are really quite young, but have chronic illnesses that will not be cured. And then their is the liability/malpractice situation to consider. I think that many of these cases are really a lack of respect for the doctor. Without the legal liabilty, the doctor can still be adversely affected by a bad outcome to his treatment. Doctors frequently have a lot of emotional investment in their patients. They genuinely like the people/patients and care about them as individuals.
- Lifestyle--always being on call. Well, not really, but everywhere we go people ask for medical advice or tell their horror story. He is never just a person in a social setting. He is always a doctor. The limits on family time were hard on all of us. Our son hardly knew his father until he was 5 years old. Many activities were interrupted by phone calls from the answering service or the hospital. Even family meals out at a restaurant were interrupted by patients stopping by the table to ask about their meds or something. The boys' perception (as well as mine) was that the patient comes first. This is fine for the truly ill patient. But sometimes the interruption made us feel truly second class, unimportant. My husband regrets this and he cannot change what happened in our private lives for the last 21 years. He has made some changes, but that doesn't change the past.
So if the motivation to be a doctor is really to help people selflessly, then all of this should be unimportant. Well, doctors are human and need some kind of reward for their work. If respect is lacking (malpractice suits included here), then there should be ample financial compensation. Asking a person to give up a personal life for a job with little respect and having to live hand to mouth gives no incentive to do the job. I think that we were very naive. The bankers in the town where we did residency kept letting us borrow because after all, my husband would be able to pay back everything when he began making the big bucks. We thought he would have respect in the community because of his job. We didn't realize that for the first 7 years (while he did OB) that he wouldn't have proper call coverage. We didn't realize that patients have no respect for the doctor's personal time. (He once got a phone call at about 4:00 am from a patient who wanted a medication refill called in!)
So if he knew then what he knows now, would he have gone to med school? I really don't know. For him it was also an intellectual challenge, and I know that the challenge of diagnosis and treatment as well as business management is what keeps him in the profession. We are looking forward to some change in the fairly near future that will bring us closer to retirement. We are just not sure what it is.
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